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Many times, we find ourselves on different sides of an issue with someone important in our life. Sometimes we may feel very strongly about the topic and immediately begin to convince our counterpart as to the error in their thinking and obvious clarity of our own. We may notice them becoming disagreeable or even hostile and think “if I could just get them to listen, they would see how right I am and how wrong they are!”

If your objective was to persuade them and you have gotten to this point, you have ALREADY failed.  

Being Persuasive vs. Coercive

To be persuasive (and NOT coercive) is not a job for force – it is one for respect and understanding. Differences of opinions and perceptions are generally based on two things;

1. differences in knowledge and 

2. differences in beliefs. 

Comparing Facts

It is quite possible for someone to have the same facts about something as you do, but have a different opinion. If you wonder if this is true, then ASK them about their facts. You may find they know the same things but interpret them differently due to their underlying beliefs.

My most interesting conversations happen when someone I respect holds a different opinion than I and we have the same facts. That’s when I get to ask questions about how they INTERPRET the facts, and I learn so much more.

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Gregg Oliver is the owner of Pathfinder Communication, LLC (www.PathfinderCommunication.com), a communications education company in San Diego, and the section vice-chair of the American Society for Quality (ASQ) in San Diego.